Category Archives: Boosting confidence

a power of incomparable worth

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Photo and notes by Vicky Lorencen

Photo and notes by Vicky Lorencen

“Handwritten letters are more special. They’re heartfelt,” my teen daughter said. “They aren’t like texts. You want to read them over and over.”

Such a brilliant girl. [Mom blushes.] She recognizes the power of the written word–the handwritten word.

Eons ago I sent letters to a friend during a dark time in her life. But, to be honest, I had forgotten all about them until I received a surprise in the mail last week. My friend wrote to tell me, “Your loving, tender words were part of the life-saving medicine that kept me alive until I felt like living again.” Wow. I was clueless to the impact of my letters. Incapable of mending her broken heart or fixing her circumstances, all I had to offer were words. And so I did.

Inside her letter, wrapped in a pink ribbon, my friend tucked some of the more the two dozen letters she’d received from me and kept all these years. (See photo.) She said she wanted to return my words to me. How unexpected and exceptional! Re-reading those letters I’d penned ages ago made me grateful to know I was able to do something for a friend in need.

Words are free. Most anyone can draft a sentence. But it takes a willing writer to string those words into something meaningful and soul-touching. You have that ability. It’s a power of incomparable worth.

Whose life will be better because they received a word from you?

Take 20 minutes right now–less time than it takes to watch a sitcom–and write a letter to someone. Don’t fret over revising, critiquing, scrutinizing and all that jazz. Just let your heartfelt words flow. Then address that note, stick on a stamp and send it on its way.

Do it. Don’t delay. Exercise your power today.

To write is human, to receive a letter: Divine! ~ Susan Lendroth

that’s it. time to talk about “the F word.”

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Photo by Vicky Lorencen

Photo by Vicky Lorencen


Don’t bat those Hello Kitty eyes at me. You knew we’d have to talk about this eventually, didn’t you?

That’s right, my little Tater Tots. It’s time to talk about “The F Word.”

It’s time to FINISH that thing you’re writing already.

Oh, yes. I know. We’re supposed to be all about the process.

Blah. Blah. Blah.

Fiddle faddle.

Fiddle dee dee.

The whole philosophy of enjoying the journey is true–but only to a point. Think about it. What would you say to a friend who booked a non-stop flight for her dream trip to Paris, then spent the entire week riding a shuttle around LaGuardia because she was enjoying the “journey” too much to actually set foot in France. I’d say her fromage had slipped off her cracker!

Here are my guesses as to why you have trouble finishing a manuscript (these are purely conjecture, of course, and in no way reflect my own personal experience):

Fear of failure
If you finish this thing, that means you’ll have no excuses left. You’ll have to submit it to an editor. And that could lead to rejection. Ouch. Pain bad. But if you never finish and never submit, you’re 100 percent guaranteed to never be published. Funny how that works.

Faking it is easier than finishing it
Are you telling fellow writers you’re still working on your manuscript, when you know darn well, you’d have to hunt your files for half an hour just to dig up the most recent version? Maybe it’s time to go legit and do the work.

Forgetting that writing is hard work
If you get to the point where your manuscript is a challenge, do you give up because you figure you must be doing it wrong? Sure, some days the words will flow and your muse will make you her favorite pet project, but most days aren’t like that. Writing is hard work. If it was easy, celebrities and talk show hosts would be doing it. (Drat. That did not help my point.) Don’t let the workiness of writing stop you from forging ahead.

Fuzzy focus
You’re “sort of” working on lots of things. You get stuck with your novel, so you decide to write an article because it’s shorter and more manageable, but then you need to do some fact checking and get derailed, so you thumb through your files and find a cute picture book idea you loved from years ago, so you fuss around with that until you remember why you abandoned it in the first place, so you go back to the novel, but by then you’ve kind of forgotten where you were going with it . . . [cue the sound of spinning wheels]

Enough with WHY we don’t finish. Let’s focus on WHAT to do about it . . .

Make a plan, Stan.
Maybe it’s deciding how many pages you can produce in a week. The number of pages you decide on–high or low–doesn’t matter at this point. It’s all about forward motion.

Go public with your plan.
Tell someone “I am going to finish my novel by [insert date here].” If you’re really brave, announce in on Facebook!

Identify at least one person (or a group) to hold you accountable for meeting your deadlines.

Are you not finished because you’re stuck? Well, then get unstuck.
Back up and move to another part of the manuscript. Get a paid critique. Read it out loud. Talk it over with someone who’s more experienced than you. Troubleshoot it with your critique group. Do whatever it takes to get unstuck. Staying stuck is simply not an option. You’re too fine for that.

Build in time to celebrate and reward yourself as you hit your targets.

Finally, flesh out an “I’m all finished” list–
Don’t just plan on finishing. Go a step further by compiling a list of where you’d like to submit your completed masterpiece. It doesn’t have to be a comprehensive list. Record the name of an editor or agent–maybe someone you met at a conference or blog you follow–then keep adding to your log. Having a head start on this list will fuel your momentum. It might sound like a mind game, but it can serve as reminder that your manuscript really will be finished, and when it is, you’ll be ready to take the next exciting step. And I can’t wait to celebrate your successes with you!

I want to confess that I was supposed to finish my second middle grade novel in 2013. I worked steadily and came close, but I’m still not done. For 2014, I’m going to apply my own advise and make it happen. Oh, it’s going down!

Okay, that’s it. Thanks for listening, Writing Warriors.

Our talk about “The F Word” is finished.

My therapist told me the way to achieve true inner peace is to finish what I start. So far today, I have finished 2 bags of M&M’s and a chocolate cake. I feel better already. ~ Dave Barry

Does this novel make my butt look big?

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cropped-frog-on-a-dime-color-red-1a

Illustration by Matt Faulkner

Talk about subjective. Are we comparing my backside to War and Peace or Charlotte’s Web? (No need to answer.)

And what about our crazy winter weather? Earlier this week, it was a frigid -12 where I live. And then this morning on my way to work, it was a balmy 27 degrees. I didn’t even bother to zip my jacket. It’s all relative.

Relativity + Subjectivity = Confusitivity!

And that, my talented, perplexed friends, is every writer’s dilemma. We write. We seek feedback. We rewrite. We wring our hands and rack our brains (simultaneously!), yet how do we know when what we’ve written is worth reading? It’s such sticky, subjective business.

Now, what about feedback–the kind you get from your writer’s group or a paid critique with an editor at a conference. Given that opinions are subjective, how do you know who to believe?

Then once you’ve written something you hope is solid, you have to contend with a submission process swaddled in subjectivity. It’s not that editors are fickle or capricious (generally), it’s that they’re people with particular tastes and needs, like the rest of us. I love kalamata olives and black licorice (not together, mind you). You think that’s gross. You’re wrong, of course. But you are still entitled to your opinion because matters of taste are subjective. And so it goes in publishing.

Let me be brave/silly and try to take a stab at this subjectivity business.

When in doubt, try it out. Let’s say someone in your critique group suggests a subtle shift in your main character’s personality or a major interruption to your subplot. If you trust this person and your respect her work, why not give it a go? If your story is stronger for it, be thankful. If it’s not, then at least you’re affirmed in your initial approach.

At a recent writer’s conference, a Scholastic editor admitted that she’d asked an author to make a major change in her YA novel and then realized she was wrong. After reading the results of six months of stellar revision, the editor had to admit the author’s first take was actually better. I’m sure the editor and the author were both surprised! Scary as it sounds, editors can’t always be right. But I admired the author for following her editor’s instructions. I’m sure she learned a lot in the process–and gained a deeper respect from her editor for trying.

Don’t get mad, get even (better). In my second middle grade novel, one of the main characters goes to school with an aide hired by the girl’s mother to assist her. My writing teacher told me that would never fly in a public school. But I liked the aide and I didn’t want to sack her. I was perplexed. Then, at a writing workshop this fall, two writers, who are also teachers, suggested I change the school from public to private. Perfect! Not only did I get to keep the aide, the private school environment introduced a whole new set of challenges for my fashion forward girl character. I found a way to make it work, instead of being stupid and stubborn by plowing ahead in the wrong direction.

If the reader don’t git it, it ain’t gonna git got. See, that’s the tricky thing about writing. It’s supposed to communicate something. If the sender sends, but the receiver doesn’t receive, well then, no communication. I have to remind myself of this when I’m tempted to “explain” something to my critique group. Sure, I can tell them what the character meant by a particular comment, but I won’t have that option to follow a ten-year-old around to see if he has any questions. There’s no “what the author meant was” button on an e-reader (at least not the last time I checked!) When my manuscript critique-provider/reader is confused, I can’t pass their comments off as subjective opinion, I know I have some refining and polishing to do. Git it?

Hear! Hear! You’re smart enough to know you don’t have to edit your manuscript because one person said she doesn’t like girl characters having boy names. But what if you’re getting the same advise from multiple reliable sources? That’s right. You avoid them all in the future. Who said that? What I meant to say was the obvious–when you keep hearing similar feedback on a particular plot point, you’re wise to heed and re-read. Chances are, your gut was telling you something wasn’t right with it in the first place, you just didn’t know what. Now, everyone’s telling you what’s what, confirming your suspicions. A plot hole is like cellulite. You can try to ignore it, but it ain’t going anywhere.

And speaking of your gut . . .

What’s that, Mr. G? In the end, you have to trust your gut (aka, Mr. G). (You had a gut feeling I was going to say that, didn’t you?) But I think applying the suggestions of trusted, respected writers and editors is still smart. I believe actively seeking feedback and really listening with an open mind and heart is vital to growing as a writer. I accept that I have room to improve (so we’re clear, we’re talking a room the size of a major league football stadium). But, for better or worse, when it all comes down to it, I have to do what feels right to me.

For example, I have a picture book manuscript for very young children that has been declared “perfect” by a professional illustrator and an accomplished picture book author. When I entered it in a contest, it finished in the top 5 out of 750 entries. Does that mean it’s been scooped up by a publishing house? Noop. It’s had close calls several times and received some champagne rejections, but no acceptances. I have taken each editor’s suggestions to heart and made some modifications, but I finally realized I can’t keep re-writing this poor little 375-word manuscript until I don’t recognize it or love it. I’m going to have to embrace it and trust that someone else will too.

Well, at least that’s my subjective opinion.

The faculty to think objectively is reason; the emotional attitude behind reason is that of humility. To be objective, to use one’s reason, is possible only if one has achieved an attitude of humility, if one has emerged from the dreams of omniscience and omnipotence which one has as a child. ~ Erich Fromm

how to “rung” in the new year

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From "Frog and Toad"  by Arnold Lobel

From “Frog and Toad”
by Arnold Lobel

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When you’re up high, let’s say on a ladder, people always tell you, don’t look down. But do me a favor, will you? Take a minute to glance over your shoulder. That’s right, look down the ladder the today. Here’s why . . .

When your sole focus is looking up the publishing ladder as you struggle to climb rung by rung, it’s easy to feel like you’ll never reach the top. But let me encourage you to hold the rung a second. Pause. Even for a moment. Stop craning your neck upward and turn. Look back down that ladder. You started at the bottom, maybe this year or maybe years ago. Now, see how far you’ve come!

Today, before you uncork some bubbly or sing that silly “Auld Lang Syne,” make a list–not a mental list, a REAL list on paper or screen–of all you’ve accomplished this year toward your writing goals. You have so much to be proud of. (I know, I should have said, You have so much of which to be proud, but that sounds kind of snooty for my purposes, and using proper grammar wasn’t one of my goals for 2013!)

Sure, there’s a lot more you want to do (same here), but treat yourself to a moment to appreciate how high you’ve already climbed. Take a deep breath. Enjoy the view!

My “rungs” for 2013 include:

January – Attending the annual SCBWI winter conference in New York City. Amazing!
February – Seeing my non-fiction article “Sculpting Lincoln” in Highlights for Children magazine.
March – Participating in a writers workshop at Vermont College of Fine Arts and receiving encouragement from incredible YA authors Cynthia Leitich Smith, Lauren Myracle and Candlewick editor Andrea Tompa.
July – Celebrating with my dear friend Kelly Barson on her debut novel “45 Pounds More or Less”–and being honored to be included in her acknowledgements page–a first for me!
November – Being selected to be part of the SCBWI – Eastern New York Falling Leaves master class workshop in Silver Bay, New York, and meeting five amazing edtiors, along with more than 30 encouraging writers.
December
– Enjoying another year of mutual support and feedback from my wonderful critique group (aka, Church of the Word!).
– Toasting the first anniversary of “Frog on a Dime.” I started with zero followers and now have 1,043. (Not record shattering, but hey, it’s progress.)
– Finishing through Lesson 8 of 9 in my Institute of Children’s Literature writing class. My second middle grade novel is almost done.
– Gathering ideas and details for my third middle grade novel that’s bubbling to the surface (Finally! Phew.) Exciting!

I’m wishing I could say my second novel is completely done. I’d like to say I have an agent and a two-book deal a publishing house. But those rungs are just ahead of me (fingers and toes crossed). I’ll be delighted to put those on my 2014 rung list.

What’s that? You say you submitted your work this year, but only have a stack of rejection letters to show for it? Well, that’s VERY rung-list worthy. (Honest. I’m not just saying that to give you something to put on your list.) You submitted your work (it’s virtually impossible to receive a letter of rejection otherwise!) You wrote, revised, researched publishers and took the leap to share your work for consideration. Okay, so you didn’t get the desired response, but you’re now ready to narrow your search and target new houses for submission in the new year. That’s great. Rung it up!

Happy New Year! Let’s “rung” it in together. Umquam porro. Ever forward, my friends. Ever forward. Rung by rung.

A poet is a man who puts up a ladder to a star and climbs it while playing a violin. ~ Edmond de Goncourt

editors are awestruck by what?

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Fabulous editors/presenters-- Mallory Kass, Scholastic; Kathy Dawson, Kathy Dawson Books; Aubrey Poole, Sourcebooks; Katherine Jacobs, Roaring Book Press

Fabulous editors/presenters–
Mallory Kass, Scholastic;
Kathy Dawson, Kathy Dawson Books; Aubrey Poole, Sourcebooks; Katherine Jacobs, Roaring Book Press


I was shocked when I heard it. I mean, editors are the ones with all the power, right? They can choose to champion a manuscript or say pass. What leaves these powerful people awestruck?

This weekend I had the pleasure of participating in the Falling Leaves retreat in Silver Bay, NY, hosted by the SCBWI – Eastern NY chapter.

Moon over Lake George in Silver Bay, NY

Moon over Lake George

Over the course of the weekend we were treated to interactive presentations by five warm, wise editors who challenged, enlightened and encouraged us. During the final talk, Scholastic Press editor Mallory Kass made an impromptu comment that gave me pause.

Mallory said, “We are in awe of what you do. We love story and you’re the ones who create them.”

Hold on. Editors are awestruck by who?

Mallory’s table-turner made my heart skip a beat. Most of us are amazed by what editors can do–and I’m not just talking about acquiring manuscripts. We appreciate an editor’s extraordinary ability to take a great story and transform it into a dazzling published work. Editors make us look good. Thinking about the way editors see us as writers made me feel empowered and pleased.

If you surround yourself with other children’s writers via your critique group, retreats, Facebook, blogs . . . it can be easy to forget that not everyone does what we do. Think about it. How many people do you know in your “outside” life–at work, at church, at the gym or even in your whole city, who are actively pursuing a writing life? I know writers aren’t always easy to spot. We don’t go around with a scarlet W on our chests (thank goodness!), but I’m guessing, even if there are some “underground writers” in your area, they’re still a tiny group.

So, don’t forget among the writing, revising, hair pulling, submitting, cussing and nail biting that you’re doing something awe-inspiring.

Editors think so. You should too.

Silver Bay, Adirondack Mountains in NY

Silver Bay, Adirondack Mountains in NY

Look at people for an example, but then make sure to do things your way. Surround yourself with positive people. ~ Queen Latifah

Silver Bay YMCA on Lake George

Silver Bay YMCA on Lake George

right on cue . . . the pre-event meltdown

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Finn the Kitten relates Photo by Vicky Lorencen

Finn the Kitten relates
Photo by Vicky Lorencen

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Freak out. Meltdown. Keyed up. Pick a label. Doesn’t matter. It’s here–the pre-event emotional mixing bowl of jitters, doubt and insecurity, with just a pinch of dread. Holy synopsis, it’s the night before school starts all over again.

Seems any time I’m heading for a writing event—a conference, retreat, class, workshop or seminar, all of my irrational thoughts tap into their stash of steroids and pump themselves up to Library of Congress sized proportions. They tell me lie after lie about myself and my abilities (or lack thereof) until I am left feeling unworthy, talentless and ill-equipped. Maybe even a little gassy.

Why am I telling you all of this? You never feel this way. You approach every new opportunity with the confidence of a peacock.

Um, don’t you?

If there is a sliver of a chance you can relate, allow me to share how I fill the holes in my perforated confidence (aside from the obligatory (and liberal) doses of chocolate).

Phone a friend (email works too). I have some dear, patient friends who know how to bolster my saggy self-confidence. Having writers for friends can be especially beneficial at low points like these—they not only know what to say—they say it so well!

Be prepared. Doing my homework or polishing my manuscript till it sparkles (with the help of my clean-up crew, aka, critique group) helps me know I’ll be sharing my best.

Remind myself I’m in a big boat. Chances are, at any given event, there are lots of other people battling the same feelings I am (more or less on the 1 to 10 freak out scale). Feeling nervous isn’t a crime. Feelings ain’t good or bad. They just is.

Practice what I push. When my teenage daughter is reluctant to do something because she’s scared, I tell her to be brave. Being brave doesn’t mean you’re not afraid. Being brave is being afraid, but doing it anyway.

Reconnect to purpose. Why the heck am I putting myself through this anyway? Reflecting on the exceptional, encouraging experiences I’ve had at past conferences, and the amazing people I’ve met along the way helps me to remember it’s going to be worthwhile.

Shift my focus. Instead of thinking about myself, I will intentionally focus on the others and how I can make them feel at ease.

Impress less. Sometimes I forget to remind myself to remember this one. As I shared in an earlier blog post, I still cringe when I think about some of my behavior at my very first conference. I was so intent on fitting in and making sure people knew that I knew what they knew, that I know I must have been a pain in the bookend. Since then I’ve found that I learn a lot more when I relax and come ready to absorb not impress.

Next weekend I’ll be putting my tactics to the test. Be watching for a progress report!

I’m good enough. I’m smart enough. And doggone it, people like me. ~ Stuart Smalley, SNL 2010

You is good. You is kind. You is important. ~ Aibileen from The Help by Kathryn Stockett

How to Struggle Successfully

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Somewhere along the way, at least in Western culture, struggle’s gotten a bum rap. If you’re smart, we say, then mastering something new will be easy. That is, after all, what being smart means,. Smart is who you are. You achieve things because of who you are. If you don’t catch on to something quickly or achieve a dream with ease, then obviously you’re not “good” at it. You’re not smart. You should hang it up. Move on to something else. To heck with struggling.

But maybe it’s not all that simple, my little Prickly Pears.

Recently, I’ve become aware that in Eastern culture it’s understood that learning a new skill will involve struggle before it’s mastered. Struggle is seen as an opportunity. Working hard to learn something is how you achieve it. It’s not about who you are, but what you do. You are admired for your perseverance.

Taking a cue from Eastern culture, I’m choosing to see struggle as an opportunity too. At the health system where I work, we label an area or process that could use refinement as an “opportunity for improvement.” The inevitable mistakes that come with learning are not seen as negative. They are a chance to grow, stretch and struggle to make things even better. I love that. It’s freeing and motivating.

My personal struggle of choice is to become a published children’s book author. As much as I love writing and for as long as I’ve pursued publication, realizing this dream is still just out of my reach. Can I honestly say I enjoy the struggle? Oh yes, just about as much as Julia Child adored deep-sea diving. But I am learning to embrace the struggle as part of the process. Who knows, maybe it’s the most valuable part.

Come to think of it, most worthwhile things in life are achieved through hard work and struggle–creating a happy marriage, raising confident, compassionate kids, earning a diploma, starting a business, writing an engaging novel, learning to cook a heavenly holiday feast.

What about you? You must have a dream too or something you’d like to/need to learn that’s a challenge for you. Do you welcome the challenge and assume that you’ll struggle a bit to start? (Note, I define a “bit” as anywhere from a few hours to a decade, depending.)

How you view struggle oftentimes determines how long you’ll stick with something. But remember, struggling is not a red flag telling you that you’re not cut out for this, that you have no talent or that because it’s not “easy” for you that you’re not smart. No need to duck and run. Save the apologies and excuse-making. I (ever-so-humbly) suggest that you join me in embracing the process, my Buttered Niblets. G’head. Give it a good hug. When you can do that, regardless of the outcome, you are already a grand success.

You may encounter many defeats, but you must not be defeated. In fact, it may be necessary to encounter the defeats, so you can know who you are, what you can rise from, how you can still come out of it. – Maya Angelou