Monthly Archives: November 2013

how to magnitude your gratitude (dude)

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Photo by Vicky Lorencen

Photo by Vicky Lorencen

I love words. Wipe that shocked expression off your face, you silly. You know I do.

This week I found out the word gratitude comes from the Latin word gratia, which means grace, graciousness or gratefulness. To me, grace means receiving something I don’t deserve–it’s that open-hearted expression of forgiveness, the kindness for which I’m unqualified and the willingness to overlook my writer-related neuroses (note the plural). That’s grace to me. And I’m grateful for every little bit I get.

Besides discovering the root of the word gratitude, I also learned from the Harvard Mental Health Newsletter that expressing thanks is strongly and consistently associated with greater happiness (and they have the research to back it up). Gratitude helps us to cultivate positive emotions, relish (and notice!) good experiences, improve our health, deal with the crappy stuff and build strong relationships. KA-pow! Gratitude is powerful.

What was of particular interest to me as a writer was that the researchers at the University of California and the University of Miami used writing exercises to gauge the impact of gratefulness. For example, one group of study participants was asked to keep a log of things they were grateful for over the course of a week. A second group got to list the stuffed that bugged them as the week progressed. The 10-week study not only showed that grateful people felt more optimistic–they were more physically healthy too.

When another group was challenged to write and hand deliver a letter of gratitude to someone who had never been properly thanked for his or her kindness, participants immediately experienced a huge hike in their happiness scores. And these benefits lasted for a month. (That’s better than chocolate!)

Photo by Vicky Lorencen

Photo by Vicky Lorencen

And now [cue drum roll] two sure-fire ways to write your way to happiness and better health . . .

Okay, okay. I know what you’re thinking. This is starting to sound like an infomerical for a self-help seminar or something. Not to worry. I’m sharing these ideas because, well, we writers are not always the most healthy people–physically or emotionally. We get discouraged and depressed. We fret. We are self-critical. And we sit on our bums a lot writing. Our bods and our brains could use a boost, wouldn’t you say? So try these ideas . . . (C’mon. You can do it!)

Write. Send. Repeat. Send someone a good old-fashioned written thank you note. Not an email. Not a text. A “real” note scribed with your own sweet little grabber. Don’t wait for someone to do something nice or give you a present. Pick a person you appreciate and then write to tell them why. It’s that simple. You will feel good and they will feel great. Why, you’ll knock their stinkin’ socks off! Your words carry positive energy. (Who knows, researchers may learn they contain fiber and anti-oxidants too!) Write and send a thank you note once a month. Pick a date you’ll remember–pay-day, your birthday or whatever, and then make it a habit.

Journal Good Stuff. Start by writing down three things you’re thankful for. It can be ANYTHING–the barista made my coffee just the way I like it, I got to work on my favorite writing project this week, my allergies aren’t acting up. You can build from there. Add one more thing each week. As the weeks progress, you’ll be more mindful of the good stuff and be excited to add it to your list. Bonus benefit–because you are cataloging these positive things, you can go back and reread your list for encouragement when life feels sucky. So, there’s that.

And just so you know. I’m grateful for you. No, really I mean it. Now stop reading this silly blog and go find a pen and paper before you get distracted. You’ll thank yourself for it.

Let us be grateful to the people who make us happy; they are the charming gardeners who make our souls blossom. ~ Marcel Proust

editors are awestruck by what?

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Fabulous editors/presenters-- Mallory Kass, Scholastic; Kathy Dawson, Kathy Dawson Books; Aubrey Poole, Sourcebooks; Katherine Jacobs, Roaring Book Press

Fabulous editors/presenters–
Mallory Kass, Scholastic;
Kathy Dawson, Kathy Dawson Books; Aubrey Poole, Sourcebooks; Katherine Jacobs, Roaring Book Press


I was shocked when I heard it. I mean, editors are the ones with all the power, right? They can choose to champion a manuscript or say pass. What leaves these powerful people awestruck?

This weekend I had the pleasure of participating in the Falling Leaves retreat in Silver Bay, NY, hosted by the SCBWI – Eastern NY chapter.

Moon over Lake George in Silver Bay, NY

Moon over Lake George

Over the course of the weekend we were treated to interactive presentations by five warm, wise editors who challenged, enlightened and encouraged us. During the final talk, Scholastic Press editor Mallory Kass made an impromptu comment that gave me pause.

Mallory said, “We are in awe of what you do. We love story and you’re the ones who create them.”

Hold on. Editors are awestruck by who?

Mallory’s table-turner made my heart skip a beat. Most of us are amazed by what editors can do–and I’m not just talking about acquiring manuscripts. We appreciate an editor’s extraordinary ability to take a great story and transform it into a dazzling published work. Editors make us look good. Thinking about the way editors see us as writers made me feel empowered and pleased.

If you surround yourself with other children’s writers via your critique group, retreats, Facebook, blogs . . . it can be easy to forget that not everyone does what we do. Think about it. How many people do you know in your “outside” life–at work, at church, at the gym or even in your whole city, who are actively pursuing a writing life? I know writers aren’t always easy to spot. We don’t go around with a scarlet W on our chests (thank goodness!), but I’m guessing, even if there are some “underground writers” in your area, they’re still a tiny group.

So, don’t forget among the writing, revising, hair pulling, submitting, cussing and nail biting that you’re doing something awe-inspiring.

Editors think so. You should too.

Silver Bay, Adirondack Mountains in NY

Silver Bay, Adirondack Mountains in NY

Look at people for an example, but then make sure to do things your way. Surround yourself with positive people. ~ Queen Latifah

Silver Bay YMCA on Lake George

Silver Bay YMCA on Lake George

right on cue . . . the pre-event meltdown

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Finn the Kitten relates Photo by Vicky Lorencen

Finn the Kitten relates
Photo by Vicky Lorencen

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Freak out. Meltdown. Keyed up. Pick a label. Doesn’t matter. It’s here–the pre-event emotional mixing bowl of jitters, doubt and insecurity, with just a pinch of dread. Holy synopsis, it’s the night before school starts all over again.

Seems any time I’m heading for a writing event—a conference, retreat, class, workshop or seminar, all of my irrational thoughts tap into their stash of steroids and pump themselves up to Library of Congress sized proportions. They tell me lie after lie about myself and my abilities (or lack thereof) until I am left feeling unworthy, talentless and ill-equipped. Maybe even a little gassy.

Why am I telling you all of this? You never feel this way. You approach every new opportunity with the confidence of a peacock.

Um, don’t you?

If there is a sliver of a chance you can relate, allow me to share how I fill the holes in my perforated confidence (aside from the obligatory (and liberal) doses of chocolate).

Phone a friend (email works too). I have some dear, patient friends who know how to bolster my saggy self-confidence. Having writers for friends can be especially beneficial at low points like these—they not only know what to say—they say it so well!

Be prepared. Doing my homework or polishing my manuscript till it sparkles (with the help of my clean-up crew, aka, critique group) helps me know I’ll be sharing my best.

Remind myself I’m in a big boat. Chances are, at any given event, there are lots of other people battling the same feelings I am (more or less on the 1 to 10 freak out scale). Feeling nervous isn’t a crime. Feelings ain’t good or bad. They just is.

Practice what I push. When my teenage daughter is reluctant to do something because she’s scared, I tell her to be brave. Being brave doesn’t mean you’re not afraid. Being brave is being afraid, but doing it anyway.

Reconnect to purpose. Why the heck am I putting myself through this anyway? Reflecting on the exceptional, encouraging experiences I’ve had at past conferences, and the amazing people I’ve met along the way helps me to remember it’s going to be worthwhile.

Shift my focus. Instead of thinking about myself, I will intentionally focus on the others and how I can make them feel at ease.

Impress less. Sometimes I forget to remind myself to remember this one. As I shared in an earlier blog post, I still cringe when I think about some of my behavior at my very first conference. I was so intent on fitting in and making sure people knew that I knew what they knew, that I know I must have been a pain in the bookend. Since then I’ve found that I learn a lot more when I relax and come ready to absorb not impress.

Next weekend I’ll be putting my tactics to the test. Be watching for a progress report!

I’m good enough. I’m smart enough. And doggone it, people like me. ~ Stuart Smalley, SNL 2010

You is good. You is kind. You is important. ~ Aibileen from The Help by Kathryn Stockett