Category Archives: Encouragement

Nov13

23 reasonably good ideas for self-care

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Hello my little apricot tarts. It’s been quite a week and the “fun” isn’t over yet, so while I will never-ever-ever pretend to have all the answers, I want to share my list of 20-plus ways you can take good care of yourself. When you and I take care of ourselves, we’re a bit better able to extend compassion, patience, empathy, kindness and cookies to others.

You’re so smart, you’re probably practicing all of these right now. But just in case . . .

  1. Keep something beautiful in plain sight. It doesn’t have to be anything fancy. A photograph or even a rock that reminds you of your trip to Lake Michigan can work wonders.
  2. Encourage someone else. Too much navel-gazing can do a number on your mind, not to mention your neck. Think of something you can do to lift up someone else, you’ll be helping yourself at the same time. Look at you, double-lifting. Impressive!
  3. Practice self-discipline. Specifically, I mean, when you are over-the-top tempted to engage in a conversation you know will go nowhere fast, don’t go there. Save your words for someone who will truly listen and for when you’re able to listen too. Otherwise, you get wound up, say things you regret and feel crappier than you already do. Don’t be self-defeating. Be self-replenishing.
  4. Clear your counters. Living in a messy, cluttered environment can really mess with your head. Set a timer for 15 minutes and do what you can each day to make things a bit less chaotic. You don’t have to aim for pristine, just try for more serene.
  5. Read. Get lost in a story. Reread a classic you adore. Pick up a pile of beloved children’s picture books and enjoy the rhythm of the words coupled with the elegance of the art.
  6. Watch funny movies. Make some popcorn and invite someone to watch and giggle along with you.
  7. Create something. Doodle. Write a poem. Bake a pie. Do origami. Knit.
  8. Nurture yourself in nature. Hit the local hiking trail or bike path. Take your camera. Notice the glory that’s all around you. (And say hello to the squirrels. It’s fun to see their reactions.)
  9. Let it leak. Ever noticed how you feel different after shedding tears of sorrow (versus tears of joy)? Giving into that need to cry when you feel sad or overwhelmed really can make you feel better physically and emotionally. So what if you have a leaky face.
  10. Be a picky eater. It’s easy to turn to fatty, sugary foods when you feel stressed (trust me–I know!) Go ahead and indulge in comfort foods once in a while, but know that eating healthier foods will help you feel better in the long run. So, keep good stuff on hand to make it easier to eat well.
  11. Let music soothe your savage beast. Isn’t it remarkable how a song can lift your whole outlook?
  12. Come out of your cave. Have lunch with an encouraging friend. Go for a walk with your sweetheart. Interacting with others helps to get you out of your own head and adjust your perspective.
  13. Be thankful. Keep a daily log of at least one thing you’re grateful for each day.
  14. Sleep. Can’t sleep? Limit screen time at least 30 minutes before bed. Watch your caffeine intake. Make a your bedroom a sanctuary for sleep (okay, and maybe a little somethin’-somethin’) only. Keep it dark, cool and screen-free. Aromatherapy helps too–lavender is a good choice.
  15. Seek help. Wise people seek the counsel of others when they are in distress.  If you need the guidance of a professional, make that call.
  16. Pray. Remembering you are not the center of the universe and that the future of all humankind does not rest on your shoulders alone can be a good thing.
  17. Breathe. Take in long slow breaths and release slowly. Allow your shoulders to relax too (they may be around your ears and you don’t even realize it!)
  18. Get a massage. Let a professional undo those knots in your neck, shoulders and back.
  19. Avoid the suck. For a lot of us, spending too much time on social media or watching the news can pull us down to a sorrowful place. Stay informed, but do what you need to do to limit your media consumption.
  20. Get a pet. Having a furry friend to come home to can make such a difference. Already have critters at your house? Be sure to do more than feed and water them while you’re in a slump. Take time to truly enjoy their company.
  21. Move. Go for a walk daily. Swim laps. Shoot hoops. Practice yoga. Get your bod in motion.
  22. Plan something fun for the future. Get tickets for a musical you love. Sign up for a conference. Plan a trip. Heck, make a lunch date. It’s uplifting to have something good to look forward to.
  23. Give yourself some grace. You’re going to have some bad days. You’re going to say things you wish you hadn’t. You’re going to not do things you wish you had. Apologize to those you hurt and move on, knowing you’re going to do better tomorrow.

Self-compassion is simply giving the same kindness to ourselves that we would give to others.  – Christopher Germer

Oct24

Trick or Treater Winning Reader

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sallykruger-2

Congratulations to Sally Kruger–winner of her very own copy of WILLIAM AND THE WITCH’S RIDDLE by Shutta Crum!

Many thanks to everyone who entered the giveaway contest and shared your Halloween costume tales. Bats, punk rockers and lions, oh my!

Sally, please send me your address via my contact page and I’ll be glad to whisk your new read your way! I may even include an extra treat or two–no trick!shutta-book-2

Happy Halloween to one and all!

A person should always choose a costume which is in direct contrast to her own personality. ~ Lucy Van Pelt (Peanuts)

Jul31

Finny’s Winner

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Summer Nick Taught His Cats-cover (1)

Congratulations to Ann Finkelstein and Buffy Silverman, winners of THE SUMMER NICK TAUGHT HIS CATS TO READ. This summer-fun story will be on its way to you soon!

Many thanks to everyone who stopped by for Frog on a Dime’s first ever Summer Open House. It was a delight to have  you visit and we loved reading your comments.

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Special thanks to our fascinating guest Curtis Manley.

We can’t wait to see what you’re working on next!

interview finn

And, of course, my warm and fuzzy thanks to Finny for doing such an excellent job on his very first interview. I hope I can convince him to do another interview in the future (assuming he’ll be willing to forego a nap).

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Jul4

Help You Help Me

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Every writer I know is a “waiter.” We wait for our muses to return from Rome. We wait for feedback from critique partners. We wait for emails from editors and agents. We wait for books to launch and reviews to post. For those of us who are pre-published, we wait (and wait and wait) for our first big break into print. Given that waiting is a given no matter where we are in the waiting room, it’s wise to find ways to use the time, well, wisely. Otherwise we’re time-twiddlers in danger of becoming solitary sadsacks. And yeesh, don’t even get me started on those pricey catered pity parties. What’s that? How do I know about pity parties? Well, uh, [insert awkward silence so long you would take a nap in it here], let’s move on.

And so, my little twice baked potatoes, to help each other whilst we while away our waiting time wisely (versus wastely or woely–and sure, those are words (sorta)), here are ways to help yourself by helping other writers:

You’re so smart, my little brownie bites, I bet you already do a lot of these things, but maaaaybe you hadn’t thought about how helping you could help someone else. Hope these ideas help. Can’t wait to hear your ideas too!

  • Join or start a critique group.
  • Offer to exchange manuscripts with someone who writes for a similar age group or genre.
  • Know someone who’s new to writing in your area? Invite them to the next SCBWI event in your area and introduce them around.
  • Send encouraging notes or emails to fellow writing friends. Aim for sending two a week.
  • Promote a friend’s books on social media.
  • Read books or articles on craft–pass along what you’ve learned.
  • Offer to guest blog (even if you have one of your own).
  • Enter a writing contest or apply for a writing scholarship or grant–and challenge a friend to do it with you.
  • Offer to teach a one-day (or even one-hour) workshop for young writers at your local library.
  • Join or start a book club.
  • Read books for fun. When you’re done, recommend to a friend.
  • Study books for craft–how’d your favorite author “do” that? Post ideas on Facebook.
  • Go to book launch events for your friends.
  • Write articles, poems or puzzles for children’s magazines–and encourage a friend to do the same.
  • If you discover a new children’s magazine, encouraging blog or writing opportunity, share it with your friends.
  • Volunteer to read to a class in your local elementary school or senior center.
  • Help a literacy program.
  • If you have a blog, invite friends to do a guest post or do a guest interview.

“For a while” is a phrase whose length can’t be measured. At least by the person who’s waiting. ~ Haruki Murakami

Jun18

why rabbits play checkers and you can too

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Scooter Plays Checkers, a watercolor by Vicky Lorencen

Ironic, isn’t it. Rabbits eat carrots. Carrots contain vitamin A, a nutrient essential for good vision. With such great eyesight and countless stories starring rabbits, you’d think bunnies would be big on books. Not so. Nine out of ten prefer checkers. Why am I telling you this? I haven’t a clue. But it’s gotten you reading this far, and that my thimbleberry tarts, is what this post is all about.

 

Scooter Plays Checkers,  watercolor by Vicky  Lorencen

Since I can assume you are not rabbits, given that you’re still reading this, I want to recommend some books you may enjoy exploring this summer. Full disclosure–not of these are new. Regardless, they are worth exploring. And the fun thing is, you can pick them up, graze a bit and come back later to enjoy a bit more.

Right now I’m reading Contagious: Why Things Catch On by Jonah Berger. Jonah is a marketing professor at The Wharton School at the University of Pennsylvania. I admit to being a bit of a psychology and marketing geek, so his book interests me. It also surprised me. As a blogger I was deflated to learn that only about 7 percent of our daily communication takes place on social media. Seven stinkin’ percent! On the other hand, as a writer, I was comforted and motivated to think that means a whole lot of our interactions take place face-to-face and in writing–good, ol’ fashioned writing. This book would be especially valuable to anyone who is in the promotion phase with your book. Or for all of us who want to be ready for when that day finally, finally, sheeeesh-finally comes.

The Mind Map Book by Tony Buzan. This book can teach you how to unleash the creative power of your brain–and you get to color while you’re doing it. Perfection!

Making a Literary Life: Advice for Writers and Dreamers by Carolyn See I’m going to level with you since the chances of Carolyn See ever seeing this less than zip, this book is now 14 years old, so it’s a titch out of step. But there are so many timeless insights, pinches of practical advice–like writing charming notes, and Ms. See’s delightful perspective, you can’t help but love this.

Writers [on Writing] Collected Essays from the New York Times Treat yourself to this treasure. Barbara Kingsolver, Carl Hiaasen, Susan Sontag, Joyce Carol Oates, Alice Walker, Kurt Vonnegut, John Updike, Jamaica Kincaid, Marge Piercy,  Saul Bellow, and so many more . . . it’s like an all-you-can-read author buffet. Great car trip or beach reading.

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Photo by Vicky Lorencen

How about you? What are you tucking in your beach bag? Share those titles! (But not with bunnies, because you know.)

My computer beat me at checkers, but I sure beat it at kickboxing. ~ Emo Philips

Jun2

how to avoid the foisting bellybutton-gazing magna nincompoopus

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Photo & Collage by Vicky Lorencen

Photo & Collage by
Vicky Lorencen

You, my lovelies, are brilliant, radiant writers. You are warm and kind, and most days you smell pretty good. But even the creamiest of the crop can slide down the sloppy slope into that abyss of abysmal behavior. How do I know this? Um. Well. Okay, enough about me.

Consider this list of Don’t Do’s and Do Do’s (smirk):

The Foister–you’re at a conference. It’s social hour. A new person walks by. You reach out and touch his arm. He stops. “Here’s my card,” you say. He looks at the card. He looks at you. He looks at the card, stuffs it in his pocket and walks on. Look. Another person approaches. She sees you reaching for a card and does a U-turn. At the end of the night, you see your card left under wine glasses (My card’s not a coaster!) or, worse yet, populating the trash bin. This is not good. You’ve been pegged as a Foister.

What to do: Take your postcards and/or business cards with you to the conference, but use the social time to talk to people. Scary, I know. But you are not an apron-wearing sample distributor for Costco. Your job is not to see how many units you can move by the end of the night. You want to network, make new friends and enjoy. So, when it comes to cards, wait until someone asks you for one. This takes patience and self-control, but it’s the right thing to do. And it’s the most effective way to share your cards. Handing your card to someone who actually wants it is a time honored way to do a bit of networking and build relationships. And for the love of 12 pt. font, don’t forget to ask for their card too! You can do this, my little figgy pudding.

The Bellybutton-gazer–when a presenter asks for questions at the end of her talk, this is not your cue to raise your little pencil grabber and then famble on about how you’re having trouble with your middle grade novel’s subplot because it’s based on your uncle’s dairy farm in Minnesota and you’re afraid of cows, but it’s crucial to the part in the main plot about the twins who own a cow circus and blah-blah-blah . . . NO! This is not good.

What to do: phrase your question in such a way that others could potentially benefit from the answer. Do not ask three more follow-up questions, and thereby monopolize the Q&A session. Wait until everyone has had a chance to ask a question before posing a new, carefully worded question. You can do this.

The Magna nincompoopus–you’re been to every conference, retreat, workshop, book talk and poetry slam in the tri-state area. You read Publisher’s Weekly, weekly. You’ve taken online classes, joined a critique group, and you have your own blog for gosh sakes. So, now you’re at yet another conference. You could practically teach the thing (or so you think). Before you know it, you’re commandeering conversations, over-talking/under-listening and taking condescension to new depths. You’re behaving like a magna nincompoopus.

What to do: set a goal for yourself before you ever leave the house–today I will meet and listen to three new people. I will only offer advice or information, if asked. And, even then, I will be to the point. I will learn three new things. I will be intentional about finding opportunities to encourage others, especially if they are new, or nervous or human. You can do this.

I can do this too. Now, let’s have a cookie.

Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups. ~ George Carlin

Apr30

is your mail box lonely? let me help

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Collage by Vicky Lorencen

Collage by Vicky Lorencen

Japanese author Haruki Murakami said, “How wonderful it is to be able to write someone a letter! To feel like conveying your thoughts to a person, to sit at your desk and pick up a pen, to put your thoughts into words like this is truly marvelous.”

When was the last time you received a letter–a real, old school, uplifting handwritten letter? Other than those long, yearend recaps that some folks send during the holidays, I’m guessing it’s been a mighty long time since a letter landed in your mail box. Same here.

Well, that’s about to change.

Frog on a Dime is all about encouraging writers, so I’d be delighted to pen you a pick-me-up during the month of May. Just leave me a message to say you’d like a letter of encouragement. How easy is that? No strings attached. Just a stamp.

Letter writing can be seen as a gift because someone has taken her time to write and think and express love. ~ Soraya Diase Coffelt

Apr25

Think you’re not a bully? Take the “Am I a Bully?” Quiz

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Photo by Vicky Lorencen

Photo by Vicky Lorencen

Are you a bully? You’re mostly likely saying no. Well, um, prepare yourself for an awkward moment of self-revelation served cold with a side of I Did Not See that Coming. You’re still skeptical, aren’t you. That’s okay. I’m not going to bully you. I’ll let this quiz do my convincing for me. Please go ahead.  Take this quick, eight-question test. We’ll talk when you’re done.

Pencils ready? Please respond with a T for True and an F for False.

The “Am I a Bully?” Quiz

  1. _____ I encourage my writing friend to invest hours trolling Facebook, especially when I know awards or “best of” lists are being announced so she can look for her name and not see it there.
  2. _____ When a rejection letter arrives, I help my friend dissect it, looking for any nuance that suggests this was a personal rejection and a comment on her chances of ever selling this manuscript in any form, both existing and those yet to be created, anywhere in the known universe.
  3. _____ I help my friend do side-by-side comparisons of her writing journey with that of someone else, all the while posing questions like “How old was he when he sold his first book?” “You know you should be a lot further along by now, right?” “Did you know he writes 9,000 words a day?”
  4. _____ If my friend says she’ll never be published, I affirm her in her fears with a hearty, “You betcha!”
  5. _____ If I suspect my friend may be hoarding Rubbermaid® tubs of jealousy under her chocolate hamper, I am swift to shift into shame mode and toss out words like immature, sophomoric and baby doodoo head.
  6. _____ When my agent-less friend learns one of her friends got an agent, I read and re-read the announcement aloud to her using a fancy British accent. Once it’s tattooed on her gray matter, we move on to making a list of the reasons an agent will never-ever-ever want to represent someone like her.
  7. _____ When my friend complains that all of her ideas are lame, I protest and correct her by saying, I see them as derivative, tired and utterly unappealing.
  8. _____ When my friend compares her rough draft with the edited/polished/published work of her favorite author, I fail to point out the unfair comparison while we drive to the store for more Cherry Garcia.

You answered F on every one, didn’t you.

Photo by Vicky Lorencen

Photo by Vicky Lorencen

But, my dearest buttered English muffin with apricot preserves, you are a bully. Every time you belittle yourself, blame yourself for having human emotions like jealousy or sadness, or torture yourself by comparing your unique journey to that of someone else, you are bullying you. Are you seein’ what I’m sayin’?

For the love of ampersands, stop.

Oh, I know it’s not that easy. It’s not easy at all. But if you can’t be your own defender, who can be? Start today by being mindful of the words you say to yourself. Instead of damning jabs, try using the sweet, consoling, empathetic words you give to others. Seek the company of encouraging people. Go on a 48-hour Facebook fast. Be BIG and send a worthy someone a note of congratulations. Be real about your disappointments. Celebrate even small victories.

And remember, my little former self-bully, even now, you are making some people sick with jealousy just by being you. Now, doesn’t that make you feel better? You betcha!

If you are neutral in situations of injustice, you have chosen the side of the oppressor. If an elephant has its foot on the tail of a mouse, and you say that you are neutral, the mouse will not appreciate your neutrality. ~ Desmond Tutu

 

 

 

Apr3

a fine use for bullets

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I hate outlining

I hate outlining

“Planning to write is not writing. Outlining, researching, talking to people about what you’re doing, none of that is writing. Writing is writing.” Right you are E.L. Doctorow. I can’t argue with you.

Up until recently, I’ve been a writing pantser–someone who flies by the seat of her pants like a magic carpet. Weeeeeee!!! It was a fun, exhilarating, spontaneous, surprising, unfettered, chaotic, halting, sputtering, who-knows-how-the-heck-I-got-here way to write.

When I’ve considered a popular alternative, outlining, my skin literally crawled. No kidding. It wriggled clean off muh bones. (See why I can’t outline? I can’t even write without doubling back and making silly asides.) SO, anyway, outlining was not attractive to me. What a time and fun-sucker. Why not just jump in? I wanted to be surprised! At the same time, I liked the idea of pre-planning as a means of making steadier writing progress.

But as a card-carrying AntiOutlineist, I yearned for a way to enjoy the benefits of outlining without actual doing it. There were plenty of alternatives involving Post-it Notes, index cards or oversized sheets of paper, but I wanted something even simpler. It if could involve my adoration for list-making, that would be a bonus. That’s why I chose bullets. Round. Simple. Readily Accessible. Inexhaustible in supply.

Now, my little warm cinnamon crumb cake, you know I mean these kinds of bullets. . .

  • Yes,
  • I
  • knew
  • you
  • would.

When I recently approached an extensive novel revision, I chose bullets to help me compile the sequence of events and actions of my characters. I didn’t write long descriptions of each scene. I wrote just enough to ensure I’d have what I needed when I returned to my list later. As I compiled this list, naturally, I’d identify roadblocks. But then, I could easily scan back to see, and then change, the sequence of events to release that blockage. I was able to think through each character’s actions or responses and their natural consequences. I could think proactively about how to crank up the story’s tension or humor or tenderness.

And now, armed with my bullets (hardy har har), I’ve had an easier time approaching the revision process. Plus, I’ve felt energized and encouraged because the bullets serve as an assurance that it’s going to be okay. Keep going. You know you can work this out. You’ve already untangled your plot and mapped out a path for your characters. And I know they won’t fail to surprise me, so there’s still fun to be had.

E.L. Doctorow is right–we can’t just yack about writing, we need to actually do it. But, before you do, see how you like writing with a batch of bullets by your side. G’head. Give it a shot. (Ouch.)

I’m one of those writers who tends to be really good at making outlines and sticking to them. I’m very good at doing that, but I don’t like it. It sort of takes a lot of the fun out.  ~ Neil Gaiman

Mar25

who’s the Frog on a Dime spring giveaway winner?

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Finny picked our winner!

Finny picked our winner!

 

Congratulations to Rajani LaRocca–

Rajani is the winner!

Rajani is the winner!

winner of the Frog on a Dime Spring Giveaway!

Many thanks to everyone who entered.

You shared so many reading suggestions and

words of encouragement. You made me feel like the winner.

Wishing you all a beautiful spring, time to read and reflect–and hopefully some chocolate bunny ears to nibble tomorrow!

Rajani, please send me your address via the Contact Me page and I’ll whisk your froggy goodie bucket off to you this week. Congrats and thanks again for entering!

Come come! Come out!
From bogs old frogs command the dark
and look…the stars.  ~ Kikaku, Japanese haiku