Recently a writing friend reminded me of something I wrote long ago: “Looking at it physiologically, perhaps writer’s block is more akin to constipation–things get all backed up in your semi colon.”

Yep, I know a few delusional mugwumps believe writer’s block is a myth, but let’s “pretend” it does exist. Why not apply constipation remedies to get your semi colon unstuck?

Strive for a balanced diet. Read and write in equal proportion.

Increase your fiber intake. Read outside your genre-of-choice to challenge yourself.

Drink plenty of water. By which I mean, drink plenty of water. Dehydrated writers produce dry writing.

Elevate physical activity. Maybe you’ve been practicing Anne Lamott’s dictum too much. It’s time to get arse out of chair and move. Walking is a time-honored way for writers to get the creative wheels whirling.

Get into a routine. For the love of prunes, if we can train your bowels, can’t we train our brains too? Establishing a writing pattern–whatever that looks like for you–helps your noggin’ to shift gears and be productive more quickly.

Heed the call. If your body says you need to, you know, “go,” then go. If your brain gifts you with a cool story idea or a solution to a knotty plot issue, jot it down, text it to yourself or tell a friend, don’t assume you’ll remember later.

Try applying these tips for two weeks, and you too could become a Smooth Operator. (Thanks, Sade.)

I wish that being famous helped prevent me from being constipated. ~ Marvin Gaye